Say never

300 words a day entry nineteen

Here is what I know: I never was the one you called when everything felt like it was falling apart, in the middle of the night when the demons rang and lumbered in, boxes of wine under their arms, picking up the remote control, making you watch what they wanted you to watch, I wasn’t the one you called to come and chase them away or just to complain to about how noisy and messy the uninvited guests were.

And I know I never was the one to take up all your pain and put it into prose.

I never was the one to understand or comfort you or distract you. I never called to say goodnight. You never called to say good morning. I never was the first one you told about the thing that is happening to you now, I never got along with your friends, I am not the type of girl to go with the flow, am I? I never rode a hundred miles, I still do not have the tan lines from a day that never happened, I never made you something to eat, I never gave you an afternoon you’ll never forget.

I never took my shoes off outside your door, I never played your son’s guitar, we never got stuck in the rain, we never had a connection, we never had an adventure, we never figured anything out together, you never looked behind you when you never took me to the airport, and I know: I never heard from you again.

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