Binding

300 words Entry six Binding

I know it is wrong, so I won’t, but wrong, how? In the karma paradigm you’ve put me in, so I won’t use my magic to draw you in, I won’t try to control you, but I’ll make you, make you notice.

This game we play relies heavily on discontent, denial and disappointment. Three things I have in spades; your deal.

Let’s wrap your memory around me and ahhhh Now, there’s the sharp edges of your ribcage that shoots straight from your sternum towards the ceiling when you are supine, and digs deep into me when I am and I can’t breath, and I don’t want to, this is where I would choose to die if I was given a choice,

I’m not given a choice.

I’m quite sure you’re very smart, but definitely not in the way I am, I can’t grasp what you know, but the difference between us is that I know that.

In every way you are the man I could never have loved ten years ago because you are a man, and because ten years ago I was still a girl, but also because even though you are ten years my senior in many ways you are still a boy and ten years ago I could never be a mother and even now I struggle with this.

Where are my matriarch instincts? Why am I not the Holy Madre at the ready to soothe you into starched sheets and dulcet dreams?

A hundred years from now I just want them to know that right now I love you. I’ll write and write for that alone.

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